Sorry I’ve been so quiet lately. My laptop died completely over the weekend. Won’t even turn on. Fortunately, it’s been sick for a while, so I had everything pretty well backed up. I think I only lost a few special photos, and maybe a few books on my legenda list. Ah well. Nothing I’ll lose sleep over. Fortunately I always email my stories to myself, or else I would have lost a few pages of work.
Life’s been pretty busy, even aside from computer problems. I finally began my new job Monday, and that’s going well so far. Training is a bit dull, but isn’t it always? There’s a pretty nice gym downstairs, though, so I may start doing that on my lunch break. I really ought to.
Last weekend was nice. I had some friends over for a movie night. We saw I’m a Cyborg, But That’s OK. It was great! Very cute, too. It’s a Korean romance about a woman who thinks she’s a cyborg, and ends up in a mental asylum after trying to recharge her batteries by sticking a live wire into her veins. What I really liked was how she talked to all the machines and electronics. It really makes me want to write a technopathic character. It’d be so much fun to be able to talk to all the machines in the house. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to tell the vending machine to give you a soda? Or tell your friend’s TV to turn on at 2am to mess with him? I wish I were a technopath…
I had a quick little stroke story idea yesterday that I might try writing up. It’d be pretty quick, almost all sex scene, but I think it’d be interesting. The basic premise is this. It would be from the perspective of a member of a couple fucking on stage in an orchestra hall or something similar for a huge audience. Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Wouldn’t that be a thrill? Having thousands of eyes upon you and your lover as you bring each other to orgasm for all to see? I used to fantasize about this a lot in school. We had a pretty kickass orchestra hall, and every time I was there, I couldn’t help but imagine how much fun it would be to fuck on stage where everyone could see us… I’m a bit of an exhibitionist, if you haven’t caught on yet…
Anyways, it’d be an event, like a concert. Tickets sold, audience in advance, maybe a string quartet with some musical accompaniment; I think it would be worth watching. It’d be like classy, live porn.
I doubt I’d be able to work it into a larger story, though, so I might just do what I did with Miss Wong and write a short little stroke story. Nothing wrong with that. It’d be a fun little exhibitionism scene, I think. What do you think? Does it sound like a good story idea? Would you be interested in reading it? (Or living it?)
Daily Life with a Monster Girlis a manga about, predictably enough, a young man who lives with several monster girls, including a lamia, centaur, slime girl, harpy, and mermaid. It’s also incredibly adorable, well-drawn, has good humor and characterization, and includes lots of fanservice. If you like cutesy romance, it’s a good choice. It’s saccharine-sweet, and the only real conflicts are between the different girls trying to romance the one guy.
Personally, I blame Daily Life with a Monster Girl for giving me a monster girl kink. That manga is full of adorable monster girls. It definitely give me a lamia kink. I don’t even think I was especially into monster girls before that series. Or maybe it just awakened something of which I was previously unaware. That’s the thing about kinks: it’s hard to tell if you’re discovering something brand new, or just finding something that had been there all the time, hidden underneath the sands of your own subconscious. I wonder if all of our potential kinks are just waiting inside of us, waiting to be unearthed by the right event…
But I digress, back to monster girls. I’m not certain why they appeal to be so greatly. I wonder if it’s an extension of the desire for the exotic? You can’t get much more exotic than monster girls. Even in friendships, I tend to prefer people who are different from me than similar to me.
These two pages are probably my favorites, but there’s a lot of good ones.
When story ideas rain, they pour. This actually came about from emailing S, and thinking of an idea that would be purposefully extreme, but then when I thought about it, I actually realized, hey, that sounds like fun, so here we are.
Basically, the idea I thought of was this. A woman would be tied up or locked into place somehow, stripped completely nude, and left outside in public as a sort of public fleshlight. Sankaku Complex calls it “public use,” so I’m going with that. The story would be from her perspective, focused on embarrassment and nonconsent. I’m not sure how she ends up there. Maybe it’s a punishment for some crime, or maybe she’s taking part in some sort of hazing ritual, or maybe she agreed to it without being completely aware of what it entailed. You’ve got to read the fine print when you volunteer for “community service!” Which, by the way, is an equally good name for this story, I think. I like it: Community Service. That’s probably the angle I’d take.
Anyways, there wouldn’t really be much story to it, just a series of encounters with men eager to get some relief. I think it could end up as a pretty good story, though. Any thoughts?
It’s TMI Tuesday again! This week’s questions and my answers are as follows.
1. Tell us about you in 10 words or less.
History loving reader and chef who writes erotica. Enormous penis. (I had the extra two words.)
2. What radio stations do you have programmed and regularly listen to (format, genre)?
To be honest, I almost never listen to the radio. When I was younger, I wasn’t much into music, and now that I am, there aren’t a lot of radio stations for classical and jazz, and I move so often that I rarely have any incentive to learn which radio stations I’d even enjoy. With Youtube, Pandora, and SoundCloud, it’s easy to find music to listen to, even if I don’t already own the CDs. I’m the only person I know who drives without the radio on. My first car had a broken wire between the antenna and the radio, so it was broken, and I didn’t listen to the radio much anyway, so I didn’t mind. By the time it was fixed, I was already used to driving without a radio, and now it’s just what I’m used to. I’ll sing to myself sometimes, but the radio stays off 99% of the time.
There is one radio I like, though, and that’s Radio Yerevan. Remember, we can provide any answer to any question!
3. What color are your eyes today? Allegedly amber, although I tend to just refer to them as brown. Nevertheless, others insist upon their color being amber…
4. Did you shave today?
No, but I did yesterday. I need to look professional for the new job, after all. I still need to trim my beard, though… I shave right out of the shower, but I usually wait to try before I trim, and sometimes I forget to do so. It’s not a huge deal, fortunately. I could probably go a week or two without anyone noticing.
5. What’s your personality?
Hm…scholarly, hard-working, and womanizer, if I’m using the Tropico 4 framework. I’m naturally pretty laid-back and inertial. I usually need to be prodded into trying new things, but it doesn’t take all that much. Left to my own, though, I tend to stick to the familiar, so I’m always thankful for my more adventurous friends. I’m definitely introverted. Hm, I think I’m rather friendly and I try to be positive, but I do have a tendency to be too snarky and mean-spirited to people sometimes. I’m trying to work on it, I promise!
6. Tell us two things that most people mention they like about you.
Where to begin! Well, my backrubs earn a lot of praise. People definitely love them. I just love to give massages, and most women I’ve met love to receive. It’s symbiosis! I think people also truly enjoy my open nature. People can open up to me rather readily, and I’m always available to listen and talk. I usually end up quickly becoming close with people.
7. Name one thing that you really like about yourself.
Hm, well I like a lot about myself. If I had to pick only one thing, though, it would be my intelligence. I’m more proud of it than any other trait of mine, and it’s been my primary form of self-identification since at least second grade, when it was already evident I was the smartest student in my class.
Bonus: How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
33? I don’t know. Most people who meet me assume I’m older than I am. I’m definitely the youngest in my primary circle of friends. Although if I went off of my favorite historical era, I’d be about 2080 or so.
Well, between not being able to do much personal stuff at work anymore, and recently buying Tropico 4, my writing time has been severely curtailed lately. I’m trying to make a virtue of necessity, though, and focus on some short stories. I’m writing an erotic folktale right now based on John Henry, tentatively entitled Joanna Henrietta IV. I need to take a little break from Tropico, I think, so I can focus on writing long enough to at least get this little one out. It’s nice being able to write in a totally different voice. In this instance, I’m writing in a much more folksy, colloquial style. I’m not certain how it’ll do ratingswise, but I’m having fun.
I’ve also got a few shorter stories in my head. I definitely want to write the Public Use one, I just need to work out the details of how I want it to go. Should it be a punishment, or something that just got out of hand? How dark am I going? I don’t want to go completely non-consensual, but it doesn’t feel right to have it be too happy-go-lucky either, so I need to aim somewhere in the middle: reluctant, embarrassed, humiliated, but not to the point of rape.
I was thinking it might go well with an earlier idea about nationalizing the women. Perhaps after a revolution, the new revolutionaries decree that all the women who were once the exclusive property of the aristocrats as their wives and daughters must now service the proletariat. I worry a bit about playing into the whole upper class woman brought low, thing. It feels a bit too…power fantasy? I don’t want to encourage people to want to denigrate others based on class. I don’t know. Erotica authors have odd boundaries, I suppose.
One of my friends suggested an interracial karmic twist on it, by having the subject of public use be a racist, subjected to the attentions of those he or she despises. I think it’s an interesting idea. I’ll have to think about it. It would definitely provide a path from initial horror to gradual delight. Maybe a beautiful Celestial woman, forced to provide satisfaction for hairy barbarians… I feel like having black men using the subject would be a little bit too cliche. I definitely want to have someone she knows well watch her and join in, too, for an added little dose of vulnerability and humiliation.
As for Tropico 4, I’m loving it. I love management games like it. I’m thinking of trying to find some recipes I can make that primarily incorporate the crops and foods of Tropico, such as papaya, beef, goat cheese, &c. I’m sure I can have some fun with fruit and rum, at the very least…
The job’s going well, too. Not incredibly interesting yet, but I’m making much more, and I’m learning new stuff, so at the worst, I’m bettering myself and my resume. I’m still in internet withdrawal, though. It’s hard going from being able to check Facebook and Gmail and WordPress all day long to being forcibly separated for the majority of the day, and then when I get home, I’m still addicted to Tropico, so that takes up most of my free time. Ah well. Once I’m done with the main missions, I should slow down a bit and have more time for writing.
I’ll probably be a bit quieter on the blog, too, due to reduced time online, but I’ll try not to disappear entirely. Be sure to comment lots so I have something to look forward to!
Man, my new job involves a lot of seeing other peoples’ salaries, and let me tell you, I feel like a professional porn star penis measurer. I just can’t help but compare myself to everyone, even though I know it’s not going to leave me happy by the end of it. I really need to stop letting numbers get to me…
Well, as I’ve mentioned before, Tropico 4 has been my life lately. One of the things I like is the ability to design your avatar with a high degree of customization, even down to which bonuses you’ll get while playing, which are based on your traits, background, and rise to power. A lot of the descriptions and attributes are pretty humorous as well, including stuff like “flatulent” and “vigilante.” Anyways, I decided to recreate myself in-game, as best as I could.
Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Now it’s not perfect; I never went to Harvard, although I came close. (In my opinion, I did better, but that’s just me…) I think it came out pretty well, though. Rise to Power was the hardest to approximate, since I haven’t risen to power yet… Ah well. There’s still time, after all!
You may be thinking to yourself, "oh man, not another girl doing the so cliched 'dear diary' format again," but I think it suits the way in which I plan to write this blog.
I'm not one for long introductions so long story short, I'm a girl who likes to write and I've decided to kick start my blogging experience by sharing with you the results of an exploration of an erotica site.
I'm not the only one who has problems with Lush. Apparently if you're from India, Lush Stories doesn't want you to publish your stories with them. They'll gladly take your views and ad revenue, though. Funny that.
Time for another round of Summer Camp Stories! If you want to read the others, you can find them here.
I think this is my last one for a while. I’ve pretty much used up all my best summer camp stories. Technically, this happened after summer camp ended, but I was still at the camp, so it counts. Shut up.
So right after camp ended, a friend of mine came to visit. We’ve known each other for a few years, and we’re pretty close. We hadn’t met face-to-face in a while, though, but it just so happened that we were relatively close to each other for a while, and she came over to visit, which was fantastic. She’s one of my best friends, so I really wish I got to see her more often. Hopefully someday we get the chance to hang out more…
Anyways, she visited and stayed with me. We mostly just hung out. She’s a little bit innocent and shy, but she’s pretty fun. She wanted to take a shower, and we were in the dorms, so we ended up showering together. We didn’t use the same stall, but we were right next to each other. I admit, I was tempted to try to come up with some pretext to end up in the same stall, but I couldn’t think of anything feasible. Ah well. Still, it was kind of fun being able to talk to someone while showering. I liked it. Usually, there’s not a whole lot to occupy my mind with during showers and baths, so it’s nice to be able to converse for a change. If I had another shot, I’d try offering her a backrub, since I know she absolutely adores mine.
Beforehand, when we were getting undressed for the showers, I could have sworn she wanted to sneak a peek. We were both in my room, and I started removing clothes, and I was down to my pants, with her not yet looking away, before I felt a bit shy and asked her to turn around so I could get a towel on. I wonder what would have happened had I just casually disrobed. She’d have gotten a nice little view, I think. After the shower, when we were dressing, she was very paranoid about me possibly seeing anything I shouldn’t. I was a good boy, though: I didn’t even attempt to spy on her.
Later during her trip, we were both pretty tired, so we ended up taking a nap together. It was…interesting. I’m sure most guys know how easy it is to get hard while cuddling with a beautiful young woman, and I get erect pretty easily to begin with. She kept feeling it poke against her, and every single time she did, she’d call attention to it. It was a bit awkward, but I admit, I liked knowing that she could feel it, too. She told me later that she felt flattered by it, so I guess she enjoyed it.
On her last night visiting, we went to the beach together. It was very foggy and foreboding, especially since it was at night, so she didn’t want to swim, but we just walked along the surf. She was too shy to streak, but I wasn’t. I took off my trunks and walked along with her, nude. It was my first CFNM experience, and it was really fun. I kept getting a bit stiff, but nothing full-blown. We ended up grabbing a life guard’s chair and just talking for a while, and I stayed naked the whole time. Sadly, I had to get dressed eventually, and we drove back home.
Obviously, a lot of stuff happened in between, but it was just friendly fun, and probably not as interesting to read, so to avoid prolixity, I’ve left it out.
Maybe this is an attempt doomed to fail, but right now, I’m trying to think about which types of psychic powers are most “realistic,” relatively speaking, obviously. I’m thinking about writing a story that takes place at a psychic academy, and I’d like to keep things as grounded in reality as possible, e.g. if you use psychokinesis, not only do you have to worry about “recoil,” but you also need to overdose on glucose in order to power your brain.
Most of the more realistic powers I can think of basically treat the human brain more as a radio, which can receive and broadcast thoughts, feelings, ideas, &c, since none of those seem to actually break physical laws. Stuff like precognition is out for now, because it really appears to violate free will, which hey, may not exist, but I’m choosing to believe it does. Same with things like being able to start fires with your mind or things like that. I just can’t imagine a working mechanism for it. Honestly, even psychokinesis would be extremely unlikely, but it’s such a classic that it’s hard for me to just toss it out entirely.
So far, my tentative list includes:
Telepathy-As I said above, this is basically just treating the brain as a radio. It doesn’t seem like much of a stretch to be able to pick up others thoughts that they’re currently broadcasting. I suppose the primary obstacle would be actually receiving the signals, since so far as I know, you pretty much have to be in contact with someone’s head in order to pick up their brain waves with today’s technology, so presumably, range would be limited. Digging through one’s memories in order to access information is a bit less plausible, though, so that might get left out.
Thought Broadcast-The reverse side of telepathy. Instead of receiving others psychic data, you’d be broadcasting your own, to be received by others. Probably not a very useful power, unless you were able to control what you were broadcasting. If it were just on all the time, I imagine you’d have an extremely embarrassing life. Still, if it gets out of control when you’re too emotional or distracted, it could be good for a few scenes…
Psychokinesis/Telekinesis-By far the least plausible I plan to include, but it’s been a favorite of mine since forever. When I was a kid, I used to regularly test whether I had developed psychokinesis yet by practicing on various objects around the home. Usually I practiced on salt shakers. It never worked, though… There will be equal and opposite reactions, though, as well as energy considerations, so it won’t be totally physically broken, at least.
Clairvoyance-This is the ability to see things at a distance. The ability to see the future is precognition, which I refuse to entertain in my reality. It’s still pretty implausible, since how are you seeing something when the photons aren’t reaching you? I might change it to just being another “sense” that isn’t strictly sight, or just piggybacking off of someone else’s eyes in order to see things at a distance that someone else is already seeing. Either makes it more attractive to me.
Postcognition-The ability to see the past. This one sort of bugs me for the reason reason that clairvoyance does. How are you seeing it? The photons aren’t preserved anywhere. There’s not really any way to recapture what a room used to look like. If I use this, it’ll be more receiving old psychic data from an area you’re currently in, like how a dog can smell what used to be in a room, even if you can’t. Similarly, a postcog would feel the thoughts, feelings, &c. of people who were in an area earlier, and decipher what happened from that.
Empathy-The ability to send or receive emotions. Like telepathy, this really only seems like treating the brain as a radio or other electronic device. If you check a lot of your electronics, you’ll notice that they’re required to accept transmissions, even harmful ones. Sucky, but the brain probably has a similar lack of restrictions on it if it’s capable of reception at all, so it doesn’t seem implausible that someone would be able to “force” their own emotional data onto someone else. You could probably turn it into a business if you were just really happy all the time. It would make sex a lot more fun, too.
Mind Control-A combination of telepathy and empathy. Brain sends data, other brain receives and processes data. Just like a computer getting a .exe file that you’ll later wish it hadn’t run. I’m unsure how strong this would be, though. Would you be able to totally override the other person’s will, or would it more like inserting suggestions or thoughts, and it’s up to them to act on it? For instance, you could insert the idea that they should go streaking. No one’s around, and it’d be fun, after all. And then, if they would go through with it if they had had the thought themselves, they would do it. I think that’d be the most realistic and least creepy way to go about it.
Dream Visitation-More specific telepathy, basically. The ability to visit others dreams while they’re asleep, and communicate with them thusly, while being able to shape their dreams as you see fit, as well. I won’t rehash the radio thing again.
Zoopathy/Phytopathy/Biopathy-Being able to communicate with animals, plants, and life, respectively. Again, radio, blah blah blah. I imagine talking to plants would be rather dull, though, besides encouraging them to produce more fruit than they might otherwise, or perhaps getting them to not produce any pollen. I like the idea, mostly because I would totally get a bunch of spiders to follow me around and spin webs detailing my awesomeness, but that’s just me. Or you could get a bunch of birds to perch on you and convince everyone that you’re a Disney princess. There’s a lot of fun things I’d do if I could command animals.
Technopathy-Being able to communicate with machines. This one would be pretty useful, but unfortunately, it gets a bit macabre the more I think about it. I’d love to be able to talk to my laptop…but what happens when it dies in five years? What about my Gameboy? Could I really throw away my N64 if it talked back to me and was a pet, as well as being awesome? Not to mention the weirdness of this power if you use mechanical means for certain personal activities, you know? Would you be able to use a vibrator if you could talk to it? Would it make it better, or worse? Still, I like the idea, so I might just try to gloss over some of those details, or I might just go full-blown deconstruction with whatever poor character gets stuck with it.
I recently watched I’m a Cyborg But That’s OK, and the main character is an insane woman who thinks she has this power, so she spends the movie talking to the lights and the vending machines, and she’s just so adorable about it that it makes me really want to write a friendly, cheerful technopath who treats every electronic machine with all the friendliness she would a human. I’d probably enjoy having this power a lot, I think.
No one asked for it, but I promised it, so here we are, an entire post on my favorite quote by Francesco Vettori!
I thought to myself with what means, with what deceptions, with how many varied arts, with what industry a man sharpens his wits to deceive another, and through these variations the world is made more beautiful. The mind of this one is made more acute in order to find a new art to deceive, and that of another is made more subtle in order to protect itself. In effect, all the world is a confidence game [ciurmeria], and it begins with the religious and continues on to the lawyers, the doctors, the astrologers, the temporal princes and all those about them, to all the arts and disciplines. And from day to day, everything becomes more subtle and refined.
This quote is one of my absolute favorites, because it perfectly captures my beliefs about equilibrium and the positive results of competition. Just as carp need pike if they are not to become apathetic and lazy, so, too, do we need our rivals in order to better ourselves. The best way to get better at something is to get your butt kicked, in my opinion. When I first joined the Chess Club in college, I lost. I lost for about three straight weeks before my first win. I improved so much that year, and by the end of my second year, I was able to challenge some of the better players in the club, and I was probably one of the better Bughouse players.
For those unaware, a quick digression. Bughouse is basically team chess. You play side by side, and your team mate is the opposite color. Any pieces you capture in your game, your partner can then use, dropping them onto an empty space on the board, so long as the piece could potentially move there during the game. That means no pawns on the first and eighth rows. You need a timer, or else a losing team can just stall, and it ends up being a manic, hilarious contest full of swearing and panic. I love it.
All of us are competing against each other, and in order to stay in the game, we all need to improve. You can only do so poorly before you’re removed from the game, in many cases. You might still play chess, but you’re likely not going to be playing with grandmasters unless you can challenge them. It’s not necessarily succeed or fail, but you at least have to be able to put up a struggle.
It’s the same way with historical nations. If you can’t compete, you’ll collapse or get absorbed. Any nation that exists has to at least be able to hold its own against its neighbors, whether that’s through defensive ability, diplomatic skill, mercantile power, or some other means. This also prevents the establishment of permanent hegemons.
The Mongols under Genghis Khan and his immediate descendants were perhaps the world’s greatest conquerors, but you can’t conquer someone without them seeing how you do it. By the simple act of conquering them, you’re also teaching them how to not be conquered. It was for this reason that Lycurgus, lawgiver of the Spartans, told them not to wage war too many times against the same opponent. King Agesilaus, my second favorite Spartan after Lycurgus, ignored this advice, and attacked the Thebans so often that they learned how to counter them. In the midst of a Spartan defeat during which Agesilaus was personally wounded, a fellow Spartan, Antalcidas, exclaimed, “This is a fine reward which you are receiving from the Thebans for giving them lessons in fighting when they had no desire to fight, and no knowledge even of fighting!”
I think this applies to writing as well, and it’s why websites like Literotica and Stories Online are so important. If you write stories for yourself and your friends, you’re not competing with others that much. You’re unlikely to learn new tricks. You’re unlikely to get any sort of brutally biting criticism that draws your attention to a fatal flaw. But the more people who see your writing, the more likely it is that one of them can offer you some excellent criticism. The more writers you share space with, the more you need to improve to stand out. It can feel suffocating at times to be surrounded by other authors who you feel are better than you can ever be, but who wants to be graded on a curve? Take off those training wheels, toss away your water wings, and dive in!
I always encourage readers to be critical, because that’s how people improve. If mediocre works earns the same praise as greatness, what motivation do people have to achieve greatness? Why not simply take the easy path? Getting results without effort is a tempting offer, but I think it’s best to put your work out where it will get savaged and criticized so that you can learn what you’re doing well and what you can improve. That’s why I like Literotica so much. Scores there can be harsh, but fair. Some of the comments are just insulting, but I find others helpful, and I often get feedback from readers that allows me to question what they liked about my stories.
Personally, I’d love more criticism. I’d absolutely love for you to read through my stories and comment one thing that I could improve upon, however minor. I really do want to hear from you.
Genius is a mountain which raises up the entire range around it. Greatness must, if it is exercised, give hints of its own greatness to those around it, and in doing so, reduces its own relative greatness while simultaneously raising the absolute greatness of its peers, and usually itself as well. Competition in all its forms improves us. I urge you to compete with people. Play games like chess or Diplomacy. Debate topics. Play sports and run and chase each other around. If you must, even deceive each other, and thusly learn how to detect others’ deceits as well.
And most of all, love, and teach each other to love better with each new relationship, until the day we are all experts at love.
That’s not a typo. I’ve just gotten a lot of cock size data. Specifically, a survey of 1783 dicks, and man, it’s everything I could want. Age, ethnicity, reported size, measured size… I’m going to have so much fun with this! I just need to digest all these dicks first. Once I crank out some data I’ll start updating you guys. It’s going to be great. Every survey on penis size out to ask men how big their penises are before measuring. Expect a post on how much men exaggerate soon!
Men lie. And if there’s one thing that’s axiomatic for being the subject of hyperbole, it’s the penis. Why settle for six inches, when you can tell people it’s seven? After all, no one’s going to check, are they?
Well, one group did. The World Penis Average Size Studies Database did a study in Amsterdam, due to its multicultural nature, and measured penises. 1783 penises, to be precise, belonging to men from all over the world, between the ages of 18 and 39. They recorded a diverse array of information on the participants, included height, age, ethnicity, and reported penis size. These men first told these researchers how large their penises were, and then they had the chance to prove it.
It is, for a given meaning of the word, rational to lie about the size of your penis to someone you want to impress. You gain worth, and even if they find out you’re lying, you’ve probably profited in other ways by then, so it’s in your interest to give the most impressive size that’s plausible. But what if you know it’s going to be measured? You’d probably at least try to give an accurate answer. You won’t impress anyone, and you’ll look like an idiot if you claim nine and only bring five inches, won’t you?
Now, measuring a penis can’t be all that difficult, right? Get some porn, get a ruler, and that’s all you need. Enlist the aid of a friend if you can. Turn it into a game. Turn a game into an erotic story. And yet, these men who knew that they were about to measured, still exaggerated their size. We’ll get into just how much in a moment.
Out of 1783 men, five under-reported their length, and even then, only by 0.1 or 0.2 cm. Another nine managed to get their size right on the dot. But self-reported size was given only to the nearest centimeter, so some difference is inevitable. Let’s give them wiggle room. How many men exaggerated the size of their penis by 0.5 cm or less? That would allow them to round their length to the nearest centimeter accurately.
Only one hundred and forty-nine did so. That means that 8.3% of men were able to come within about a quarter of an inch of their actual penis size. Allowing men an entire centimeter of leeway, meaning that could still round up to the nearest centimeter and still be fine, only nets 289 men, or 16.2% of the total. Even knowing that they’re about to be measured, 83.8% of men couldn’t give you an accurate measurement of their penis to the nearest centimeter.
Okay, okay, let’s get serious. Let’s give them an inch. Surely, you could tell someone the size of your penis to the nearest inch, right? 731 men couldn’t. 41% of men can’t give the correct size of their penis to within 2.5 centimeters. That means that the odds are better than even that when a guy tells you how long his penis is, he’s probably off by an inch, and that’s before you take intentional exaggeration into account. Men just add the extra inch out of wishful thinking, apparently.
In a way, this isn’t surprising. People fudge data all the time, they round up and down when it suits them, and they’re blind to things they don’t wish to see. But the amount of self-deception is really quite extraordinary. These men are all at least 18. You’d think they’d have measured it once.
In fact, the average error between what a man said his penis length was and what it actually was was 2.65 cm, or just a little more than a full inch. The median value, or the value that’s in the middle if you count off from the high and low ends, is 2.8 cm. The mode, or the most common difference, was 3.2 cm, given by 106 different men. The biggest whopper came from a 24 year old Moroccan, who claimed that his penis was 24 cm, when it was really only 12.4, a difference of 11.6 cm, or more than four and a half inches!
There’s no real pattern among ages as to who lied most, surprisingly. The age groups ranged from an average of 3 cm for 37 year olds to 2.25 cm for 30 year olds.
When you sort by ethnicity, the results are a bit more interesting. For reference, the ethnicities used were Arab, Australoid, Black, Caucasian, Central Asian, East Asian, Indian, Latino (multiracial), Mediterranean, and Mixed Race. Latinos exaggerated the least, at an average of 1.72 cm, while Arabs were the biggest braggarts, adding an extra 3.65 cm to their lengths.
The full results are below.
Ethnicity
Average Exaggeration (cm)
Latino (multiracial)
1.72
Australoid
1.75
East Asian
2.04
Black
2.05
Mixed race
2.44
Central Asian
2.64
Indian
2.65
Caucasian
2.75
Mediterranean
2.90
Arab
3.65
Interesting information. Once I look at penis length, we’ll have to see if there’s a correlation between exaggerating and having a reason to exaggerate…
There’s a lot of data in this table, so if there’s something you’d like me to specifically examine, let me know.
Thought I would share this with everyone. There was recently a thread on Ask Reddit asking people for simple writing tips that make a huge difference. You can find the whole thread here.
Personally, I really like the following advice given, originally from Chuck Palahniuk.
In six seconds, you’ll hate me. But in six months, you’ll be a better writer.
From this point forward—at least for the next half year—you may not use “thought” verbs. These include: Thinks, Knows, Understands, Realizes, Believes, Wants, Remembers, Imagines, Desires, and a hundred others you love to use.
The list should also include: Loves and Hates. And it should include: Is and Has, but we’ll get to those later.
Until some time around Christmas, you can’t write: Kenny wondered if Monica didn’t like him going out at night…”Instead, you’ll have to Un-pack that to something like: “Themornings after Kenny had stayed out, beyond the last bus, until he’d had to bum a ride or pay for a cab and got home to find Monica faking sleep, faking because she never slept that quiet, those mornings, she’d only put her own cup of coffee in the microwave. Never his.”
Instead of characters knowing anything, you must now present the details that allow the reader to know them. Instead of a character wanting something, you must now describe the thing so that the reader wants it.
Instead of saying: “Adam knew Gwen liked him.” You’ll have to say: “Between classes, Gwen had always leaned on his locker when he’d go to open it. She’s roll her eyes and shove off with one foot, leaving a black-heel mark on the painted metal, but she also left the smell of her perfume. The combination lock would still be warm from her butt. And the next break, Gwen would be leaned there, again.”
In short, no more short-cuts. Only specific sensory detail: action, smell, taste, sound, and feeling.
Typically, writers use these “thought” verbs at the beginning of a paragraph (In this form, you can call them “Thesis Statements” and I’ll rail against those, later). In a way, they state the intention of the paragraph. And what follows, illustrates them.
For example: “Brenda knew she’d never make the deadline. was backed up from the bridge, past the first eight or nine exits. Her cell phone battery was dead. At home, the dogs would need to go out, or there would be a mess to clean up. Plus, she’d promised to water the plants for her neighbor…”
Do you see how the opening “thesis statement” steals the thunder of what follows? Don’t do it.
If nothing else, cut the opening sentence and place it after all the others. Better yet, transplant it and change it to: Brenda would never make the deadline.
Thinking is abstract. Knowing and believing are intangible. Your story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and knowing. And loving and hating.
Don’t tell your reader: “Lisa hated Tom.”
Instead, make your case like a lawyer in court, detail by detail.
Present each piece of evidence. For example: “During roll call, in the breath after the teacher said Tom’s name, in that moment before he could answer, right then, Lisa would whisper-shout ‘Butt Wipe,’ just as Tom was saying, ‘Here’.”
One of the most-common mistakes that beginning writers make is leaving their characters alone. Writing, you may be alone. Reading, your audience may be alone. But your character should spend very, very little time alone. Because a solitary character starts thinking or worrying or wondering.
For example: Waiting for the bus, Mark started to worry about how long the trip would take…”
A better break-down might be: “The schedule said the bus would come by at noon, but Mark’s watch said it was already 11:57. You could see all the way down the road, as far as the Mall, and not see a bus. No doubt, the driver was parked at the turn-around, the far end of the line, taking a nap. The driver was kicked back, asleep, and Mark was going to be late. Or worse, the driver was drinking, and he’d pull up drunk and charge Mark seventy-five cents for death in a fiery traffic accident…”
A character alone must lapse into fantasy or memory, but even then you can’t use “thought” verbs or any of their abstract relatives.
Oh, and you can just forget about using the verbs forget and remember.
No more transitions such as: “Wanda remembered how Nelson used to brush her hair.”
Instead: “Back in their sophomore year, Nelson used to brush her hair with smooth, long strokes of his hand.”
Again, Un-pack. Don’t take short-cuts.
Better yet, get your character with another character, fast. Get them together and get the action started. Let their actions and words show their thoughts. You—stay out of their heads.
And while you’re avoiding “thought” verbs, be very wary about using the bland verbs “is” and “have.”
For example: “Ann’s eyes are blue.”
“Ann has blue eyes.”
Versus:
“Ann coughed and waved one hand past her face, clearing the cigarette smoke from her eyes, blue eyes, before she smiled…”
Instead of bland “is” and “has” statements, try burying your details of what a character has or is, in actions or gestures. At its most basic, this is showing your story instead of telling it.
And forever after, once you’ve learned to Un-pack your characters, you’ll hate the lazy writer who settles for: “Jim sat beside the telephone, wondering why Amanda didn’t call.”
Please. For now, hate me all you want, but don’t use thought verbs. After Christmas, go crazy, but I’d bet money you won’t.
I’m going to give this idea a try. I’m writing a story right now, so this will be my little personal writing goal during it. Wish me luck!
Following off from my last post about penises, today I’m going to look at penis size, both measured and self-reported, focusing especially on grouping it by race, mainly because race interests me, but also because it tends to be the one category that gets you significant results, and nobody wants to read a story entitled “Does Eye Color Affect Penis Size?” that starts with “No.”
As mentioned before, The World Penis Average Size Studies Database did a study in Amsterdam, due to its multicultural nature, and measured penises. 1783 penises, to be precise, belonging to men from all over the world, between the ages of 18 and 39. They recorded a diverse array of information on the participants, included height, age, ethnicity, and reported penis size. These men first told these researchers how large their penises were, and then they had the chance to prove it. Last time we looked at the differences between these two values, but today, we’re going to examine the values themselves. The average self-reported size was 17.76 cm. The median was 18 cm, as was the mode. For reference, 18 cm is a little over seven inches long. The smallest self-reported size was 5 cm, belonging to the smallest penis of the bunch by far: a 4.6 cm penis, owned by a 31 year old Dutchman, the clear outlier of the group. The largest self-reported size was 25 cm, a record shared by five different men. Interestingly enough, the actual largest of this group was also a Dutchman, boasting a 21.7 cm, or 8.5 inch, penis. Even though his penis was already 8.5 inches, though, he still claimed it to be over an inch longer, oddly enough. I would have expected his actual size to be good enough for him.
The actual mean was only 15.11 centimeters, over an inch shorter, as we learnt last time. 1560 men claimed they were 16 or more centimeters long, meaning 87.5% of men self-reported themselves as being above average. (Side note: people are terrible judges of such things.) The median and mode were 15.3 and 15.4 cm, respectively, both close to the mean, as expected.
The smallest measured penis was the aforementioned 5 cm long one, but if we ignore that, there were two other men who came in at 7.9 cm, or about 3.1 inches. Interestingly enough, none of the three smallest men greatly exaggerated the size of their penis. The 5 cm Dutchman exaggerated by only 0.4 cm, which means he rounded to the nearest whole centimeter, while the two men who had 7.9 cm penises only exaggerated by 1.1 cm each, still well below the mean of 2.65 cm. Apparently, they’re well aware of their actual length.
The largest measured penis was a whopping 22.4 cm, or 8.8 inches. Interestingly enough, his exaggeration was also relatively slight at only 1.6 cm. Personally, if I had an 8.8 inch penis, I’d be aware of it.
Now let’s look for patterns! The best part of any statistical analysis… Unfortunately, most groups don’t offer any significant results, so let’s look at something that does: ethnicity. First, let’s examine average self-reported size, grouped by ethnicity.
Ethnicity
Average Self-Reported Penis Size (cm)
East Asian
13.97
Indian
14.52
Australoid
15.75
Central Asian
15.92
Mediterranean
17.48
Latino (Multiracial)
17.84
Mixed race
17.92
Caucasian
18.10
Arab
18.14
Black
18.67
Not especially interesting on its own, although right away, I can tell that it’s about to get interesting. You might remember from last time that as a group, Arabs added the most length to their actual size, and here, they’re second to Black men. I expect they’re going to drop a few places once we get to actual size. Let’s find out!
Ethnicity
Average Measured Penis Size (cm)
Indian
11.87
East Asian
11.93
Central Asian
13.28
Australoid
14.00
Arab
14.49
Mediterranean
14.58
Caucasian
15.35
Mixed race
15.48
Latino (Multiracial)
16.12
Black
16.61
As expected, Arabs have moved from an impressive second place to a middling sixth out of ten. Otherwise, though, there’s little shake-up. Latinos moved up a few places, perhaps indicating that they have little reason for hyperbole, considering they’re not near the top. The range didn’t change much, which is interesting. Black and East Asian men both gave themselves similar advantages, 2.05 and 2.04 cm respectively, while Indians added an extra 2.65 cm to themselves. I would have expected that the range of actual sizes would be greater than the range of measured sizes, with smaller men over-compensating through hyperbole, and bigger men seeing no need to, but while that seems to hold true for certain groups, even those with no pressing reason to lie, like Caucasians and Mediterraneans, exaggerated themselves.
It’s TMI Tuesday again! This week’s questions and my answers are as follows.
1. What’s your dirtiest secret?
I’m a pretty open guy. I’m not sure I really have a lot of secrets… I pretty much just tell everything to everyone. I suppose if I had to pick one, it’d be that I once went to a happy ending massage parlor and received a handjob.
2. What’s the sweetest thing you have done for someone?
I do a lot of sweet things for people. It’s hard to pick the absolute sweetest… I make people breakfast in bed a lot. I’ve made my partner a teddy bear that has me saying “I love you” when she squeezes it. I’ve made up little plastic Easter eggs that each contain a reason why I love her. Thinking back on them now, that’s probably the sweetest.
3. What’s your favorite foreplay act to give? Receive?
I love foreplay! Man, it’s hard to pick just one. I love a long, slow massage, where she grazes her fingernails along my body until I’m so aroused that I can’t resist a moment longer. I love making out in bed together while she strokes my cock until I cum, locking in an osculatory embrace. I love frottage, so I can rub my rock-hard cock against her body, showing her just how much she turns me on. I love when girls can feel my erection…
Giving, hm… Well, any of the above, but I also really love fingering women.
4. State five (5) facts about your body.
-I have amber eyes.
-I have black hair, with a few grey hairs starting to appear at my temples and forehead.
-I’m pretty damn hairy. I’ve got quite a bit of chest hair, especially, but I’ve been called a “bear” before for all of it.
-I’m circumcised.
-I have shaved testicles. I prefer the way it looks and feels.
5. Would you like to fondle the person next to you?
No one’s next to me… But if someone were, I’m sure I’d give it a try. Why not?
Bonus: Penis or vagina? Why?
Hm, I’ll go against expectations and say penis. Mentally, I find them more interesting. I have a lot more blog posts about penises, and I read about them more often. Maybe it’s just because the vagina is much more internal. I absolutely adore breasts, after all. Maybe it’s because I have a penis myself. I’ve just never really been as into vaginas as I am into breasts and buttocks and faces. My own penis is my favorite, and it’s the only one with which I have experiences, but I definitely have some curiosity about others, especially those attached to women. Vaginas are fun, especially to finger, but I don’t know. Penises are so much more visible and tactile. You know when it’s aroused. It’s fun to tease. And when it orgasms, there’s no mistaking it.
I’d like to introduce you to my favorite anecdote from classical history. It’s getting referenced in the story I’m writing now, so it seemed like a good time to finally mention it. It concerns Pyrrhus, King of Epirus and cousin of Alexander the Great, and his friend Cineas. Pyrrhus, like his cousin, had a great desire to win an empire for himself, and to that end, decided to invade Italy and the Roman Republic in defense of the Greek cities of southern Italy.
It was this Cineas, then, who, seeing that Pyrrhus was eagerly preparing an expedition at this time to Italy, and finding him at leisure for the moment, drew him into the following discourse. “The Romans, O Pyrrhus, are said to be good fighters, and to be rulers of many warlike nations; if, then, Heaven should permit us to conquer these men, how should we use our victory?”
And Pyrrhus said: “Thy question, O Cineas, really needs no answer; the Romans once conquered, there is neither barbarian nor Greek city there which is a match for us, but we shall at once possess all Italy, the great size and richness and importance of which no man should know better than thyself.”
After a little pause, then, Cineas said: “And after taking Italy, O King, what are we to do?”
And Pyrrhus, not yet perceiving his intention, replied: “Sicily is near, and holds out her hands to us, an island abounding in wealth and men, and very easy to capture, for all is faction there, her cities have no government, and demagogues are rampant now that Agathocles is gone.”
“What thou sayest,” replied Cineas, “is probably true; but will our expedition stop with the taking of Sicily?”
“Heaven grant us,” said Pyrrhus, “victory and success so far; and we will make these contests but the preliminaries of great enterprises. For who could keep his hands off Libya, or Carthage, when that city got within his reach, a city which Agathocles, slipping stealthily out of Syracuse and crossing the sea with a few ships, narrowly missed taking? And when we have become masters here, no one of the enemies who now treat us with scorn will offer further resistance; there is no need of saying that.”
“None whatever,” said Cineas, “for it is plain that with so great a power we shall be able to recover Macedonia and rule Greece securely. But when we have got everything subject to us, what are we going to do?”
Then Pyrrhus smiled upon him and said: “We shall be much at ease, and we’ll drink bumpers, my good man, every day, and we’ll gladden one another’s hearts with confidential talks.”
And now that Cineas had brought Pyrrhus to this point in the argument, he said: “Then what stands in our way now if we want to drink bumpers and while away the time with one another? Surely this privilege is ours already, and we have at hand, without taking any trouble, those things to which we hope to attain by bloodshed and great toils and perils, after doing much harm to others and suffering much ourselves.”
By this reasoning of Cineas, Pyrrhus was more troubled than he was converted; he saw plainly what great happiness he was leaving behind him, but was unable to renounce his hopes of what he eagerly desired.
Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.I’ve always loved this story, ever since I first came across it. Whether it really happened or not, Pyrrhus should have listened to Cineas. He’ll spend the rest of his life chasing after empires, winning battles and losing wars, before he dies in Sparta after a woman defending the city throws a roofing tile onto his skull. I think that the idea is widely applicable to the rest of us, though.
I don’t intend to suggest that people shouldn’t try to achieve great things. But I think that you should examine whether it’ll make you happy, and what your final goal is. Pyrrhus wanted to conquer the world’s greatest empire so that he could enjoy his life to the utmost, reveling in drink and friends. But he was already king of Epirus. Nothing stopped him from being content with his position and just enjoying the life he already had. Instead, for glory and power and cupidity, he staked everything he had in war, the riskiest of human endeavors, and lost everything.
Isn’t it better to be content with what makes you happy, rather than to risk that happiness on something unnecessary for your happiness? Pyrrhus had no need of Carthage or Italy, but he went after them, and now we have the term “Pyrrhic victory.” I think it’s important to be satisfied with what’s already acquired, rather than spending your time and energy on trying to acquire more. Some things are important for happiness. You need to have a comfortable salary, a place to live, food to eat, medical care, good friends, &c. But there are so many unnecessary things in the world that people chase after because of false expectations that this, surely this, will finally make them happy.
Next time you decide to pursue something, first ask yourself: how will it make me happier?
The amount of blood required to achieve an erection is two ounces, about eight to ten times the normal amount of blood in a man’s penis. The human body, meanwhile, contains about 160 ounces of blood. That means that an erection contains only 1/80th of a man’s blood. Doesn’t seem like so little, does it?
The brain requires 20% of the body’s blood, or about 32 ounces. That means that even if only blood meant for the brain were redirected to the penis to achieve an erection, the loss of blood would be only 6.25%. When you donate blood, approximately one pint, or 16 ounces is taken, enough blood for eight simultaneous erections, and 10% of your total.
Image may be NSFW.
Image may be NSFW.
Image may be NSFW.
Image may be NSFW.
Image may be NSFW.
Image may be NSFW.
Image may be NSFW.
